8 Signs You’re Having A Female Midlife Crisis
When you hear the term ‘midlife crisis’ the image that immediately springs to mind is that of a balding, slightly overweight man who’s gone out and bought himself a flashy new sports car. Am I right? Well, firstly this is probably one of the biggest clichés you’ll ever come across in life, and secondly the whole midlife crisis thing isn’t exclusive to men, us women experience that middle age wobble too.
A midlife crisis is defined as the period of time from approximately the age of 40 through to about 60. That’s not to say it will last the whole duration, and equally not everybody is affected; some people consider themselves to be in their prime at this stage and sail through with ease. However, for other women this time in their life marks huge changes. From perimenopause and menopause, through to children moving out of home and struggling with empty nest syndrome, those tricky middle years can bring forth feelings of a loss of purpose combined with an overwhelming sense of mortality.
And what can happen is that women may start to react in one of two different ways:
- Either they draw into themselves, lose confidence, and potentially risk falling into a state of depression, as they struggle to stay in control of their emotional wellbeing.
- Or they do the complete opposite. They become more gregarious, they go out more, they may start to take more risks, act impulsively and experience a complete change of character in reaction to the realization that they are potentially now halfway through their life.
The fact of the matter is, that neither of these reactions is particularly good for us. They act as a mask to what we are truly feeling – a mixture of fear of what’s to come, regret of what’s passed, and a lack of control over feelings we don’t quite understand.
If you’re someone who’s in that middle years bracket and you’re starting to wonder whether you might be experiencing your own midlife crisis, take a look at some of these classic symptoms below:
1. Impulsive Behaviour
Women who are going through a midlife crisis will often act impulsively and without thought. For example, they might impulsively get a tattoo or piercing, they might buy something expensive, or they might drink more, or go on messy night’s out with their friends more frequently. And whilst none of these things are too much of a problem in their own right, after all there’s nothing wrong in getting a tattoo if you really want one, if this behaviour is uncharacteristic of how you would usually be, it suggests that there is something else at play here.
Recklessness in our middle years often occurs when we feel as though we’ve missed out on certain experiences in life. And when combined with the reality that midlife is exactly that, the middle of our life, and that the clock is essentially counting down with every passing day, it can leave us feeling like we don’t have a second to lose.
2. Apathy
Women often notice that their motivation starts to dip as they enter their middle years. A huge part of this is connected to perimenopause – the years leading up to the menopause. There are many symptoms associated with the perimenopause, one of which is depleted energy levels, which often results in a lack of motivation and a loss of interest in activities that you usually love.
It can be a confusing time of life, one which raises lots of questions about what you have or haven’t achieved, thinking about what’s missing from your life, or looking forward and thinking about the time you have left. This ambivalence may then manifest into apathy and a sense of boredom of your current life.
3. Urge To Try New Things
On the flip side, some women do the complete opposite and possibly as a reaction to feeling ‘stuck’ they suddenly have the overwhelming urge to do everything!
This could include trying white water rafting, taking pole dancing lessons, traveling to far flung places, starting a new career, getting a tattoo, or a whole heap of other exciting, thrill seeking stuff. And it goes without saying that for the most part this is a good thing, I mean who doesn’t want to grab life by the balls and enjoy every single moment of it!?!? If you’re feeling less fulfilled or perhaps as though your purpose in life has disappeared, then perhaps it’s time to seek out a new experience or two. After all, you’ve spent enough of your life looking after and catering for the needs of others, it’s about time you did something for yourself for a change.
So yes, middle age could be viewed quite negatively, but there are definitely some positives to be found, you just need to go looking!
4. Dwelling On The Past
We’ve touched on this little above, but one of the classic symptoms of midlife angst is a preoccupation of events or people from your past. Many of us get instinctively drawn into a re-evaluation of our life when we hit the midway point, dwelling on things that could have been, changes we could have made, any regrets we may have.
Looking back on memories of days gone by is one thing, but holding yourself back and ruminating on things that cannot be changed is damaging, unhealthy, and incredibly restrictive. Accept and understand that life is a journey and that every decision you have made so far is what has brought you this point. You can’t change the past, but you can certainly live in the moment and carve out the future you want for yourself.
5. Concerns About Appearance
The one thing in life we cannot change is that we all grow old and eventually die. For most of us, we accept this fact, and whilst we may tut and roll our eyes at every new wrinkle or grey hair, we should allow the aging process to naturally do its thing. For women going through a midlife crisis however, it can be a real struggle to see this deterioration in their looks.
One classic symptom of a midlife crisis is becoming increasingly preoccupied with your looks. Perhaps you find yourself obsessively looking in mirrors, buying so called ‘miracle’ anti-aging products, or maybe even going so far as to booking yourself in for the odd cosmetic treatment or two, like Botox or derma fillers. Self-confidence can take a real knock during this time, with many women believing that these very normal signs of aging must mean that they are no longer considered beautiful or desirable, which of course is not the case!
If beauty treatments, new clothes, or a different hair style are all it takes to help give a confidence boost, then we are all for it. Do what makes you happy we say!
6. Extreme Emotions
Midlife brings with it not just physical changes, but huge emotional changes too. And when you combine this with the powerful hormonal shifts that occur during this stage of a woman’s life, it’s no wonder we struggle to get a grip of ourselves.
Extreme emotions like anger, jealousy, sadness, despair etc. are commonplace in middle age. This is perfectly normal, but it can make life pretty uncomfortable and miserable at times, which is why it’s so important for women to feel all those feelings and at the same time learn certain coping mechanisms as a way of handling them.
Journaling can help to keep track of these emotions and will help you to notice what triggers them or to spot whether there is a pattern of when you may feel a certain way. The week leading up to your period can be a particularly emotional time, but once you recognise that as being the cause it will immediately ease some of the stress.
7. Stress
Talking of which…
Stress. It affects us during all stages of life, but perhaps the middle years slightly more so than the rest. You see not only are we coping with perimenopause (a major stress in itself!), but we’re also still caring for our children whilst also potentially caring for our parents too. At some point during our 40s, 50s, and 60s we become what is known as the sandwich generation – the middle link between our children and our parents. And so just when we think we might slowly be getting an inch of our freedom back our responsibilities double overnight, and it is sooo stressful. Us women already juggle a multitude of roles (mum, daughter, wife, worker, housekeeper, to name but a mere few), but throw carer into the mix too and boy do those juggling balls start to drop.
There is no shame in asking for help. Recognise when things are too much and reach out to other family member, friends, or charities who can help take some of the pressure off of you.
8. Questioning Certain Relationships
Finally, another classic sign of a midlife crisis is relationship break ups. Marital break ups are common during this period. One partner may feel like they have outgrown the other one, arguments may increase, and in some instances they may stray and have an affair with another partner.
And it’s not just romantic partnerships that can become unstuck, friendships will also often change in our mid years, because we may find we no longer have anything in common with them, or our priorities may change meaning we no longer have the time to devote to certain friendships.
Do any of the above 8 symptoms sound familiar? Here at MiddleAgerHood we want to empower women to feel utterly fantastic about the middle years. It’s not all sunshine and rainbows for sure, but with a little bit of knowledge, a few less f*cks to give, we can all journey smoothly through this stage of our lives. After all, we’ve still got plenty of time to live our very best lives.
